I Suffer From Self-Doubt

If there is one thing I have realized since coming to Bryn Mawr its that I have a serious case of reoccurring self-doubt.

It manifested itself when I first applied to college. Everyone has the same questions-  Did I join enough clubs? Did I play the right sports? Will I get in? Am I good enough? Then once we actually receive a letter and send in our deposit we’re stuck with the worst question of all- Did I choose the right school?  Thankfully I’m passed that hurdle and I know for a fact that I did make the right choice. However, that doesn’t stop the terrible feeling from sneaking up in daily life. In the classroom, on the soccer field, even discussing the answer for yesterday’s daily training room crossword puzzle I am bombarded with what if’s, but’s, and maybe not’s.

Tomorrow I will be traveling to Princeton to present my theory on culture translation through K-Pop at their East Asian Popular Culture Conference. I applied to be a speaker in January, found out my paper was accepted in February, researched a ton in March, and reserved April to freak out about this whole ordeal. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be happier about this whole situation. I mean the fact that there is a conference dedicated to my favorite topic and that they want me to speak at it is awesome. But then the what if’s began pouring in. It didn’t help that my practice runs haven’t been going well and last night was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

TOP is excited for the conference too

 TOP has too much swag to be     nervous. 

After a terrible dress rehearsal las I slumped in my rolly chair in a Dalton classroom banging my head against the desk. I gave up, I was down for the count, on the verge of a melt down. “Its terrible I know it. You know it. They’ll know it.” I even started to think about not going. I mean would it really make a difference?

I looked out to my “audience” (a.k.a Karina a.k.a the only person willing to listen to my K-Pop conundrum) for a response. “Its not bad…its not great but its not bad.” For the next 30 minutes she poked and prodded my presentation pushing me to the brink of tears in a back in forth conversation of its terrible’s and work through it’s. Finally out of all of that nonsense the most important thing she said was “this is about convincing that one person in the audience that your theory matters and your topic is relevant. Just remember Lindsey, life is a stage, you have to sell it”, and it clicked.

I was selling the product but I wasn’t buying it. I got caught up in trying to translate my theory into a stuffy presentation that I forgot about what my theory was about in the first place. And if there is one thing I do know its K-Pop. So, after decoding my presentation and returning it to its former glory my confidence was restored!

As cheesy as it is, it is true that you can do anything you want to. But, you have to convince yourself before you can convince others. From summer jobs to a K-Pop conference sometimes you just need to believe in yourself. All it takes is a  bit of encouragement (or a high five from Terry haha) to realize how irrelevant that nagging little voice in your head really is.


Words of encouragement from my big sister. =)

To be continued…

TL;DR- self-doubt sucks and its inevitable but calm down and just believe in yourself a little bit and you will make it through…dance parties and high fives help too.

The Importance of a Shoe

This Monday (a.k.a in 3 hours) marks a momentous occasion. It is my 21st birthday. Now understandably no one other than myself and (hopefully) a few friends actually care about this situation. However, as I was shopping for a birthday outfit I came upon a rather startling fact. I, Lindsey Crowe, will be unable, for the the first time in my life, unable to wear high heels. Oh the horror!

If there is one thing that people notice about me it is definitely my height. Standing at a whopping 5 feet and 10 inches I pretty much overlook everyone in my friend group and my entire family. Yet, despite my already wonderful height I still choose to wear 4-5 inch heeled pumps placing me over 6 feet tall. And I love the feeling they give me as I strut around a room (even if it is my own). Unfortunately, this past December I had ACL reconstruction surgery from a previous injury which hinders my ability to wear anything but sneakers or flats. Forgetful little me didn’t remember this as I was purchasing the cutest pair of red mary-janes (pictured below) at the local thrift shop.

Don't they just scream "Wear me!"

Don’t they just scream “Wear me!”


I was ricocheted back to my Junior Prom when my date told me I couldn’t wear heels cause I would be taller than him (complete regret by the way). I asked my friend if maybe… just this once… I could wear heels that would be okay, right? I tried to argue my way out of it but she immediately shot me down with the Terry Face. I would have to decide between boots,flats, or sneakers.

After a trip to King of Prussia Mall my good ol’ friend Karina had bought a gorgeous pair of pink Enzo Angiolini peep toe pumps while I shopped for boots. In comparison I would’ve taken the pumps in a heartbeat, but I loved the way the boots looked. I felt powerful much like the way I feel in my pumps. As the day looms closer I have started to realize that it isn’t about the look of the shoe or the height in the heel, but how you feel when you wear them. Placing your foot into a Coach black bootie or a wicked pair of neon Vans sneakers can transform you from Beyonce to Sasha Fierce.

My dream pair of Jimmy Choos...if only they weren't $600 YIKES!

My dream pair of Jimmy Choos…if only they weren’t $600 YIKES!

In the words of Bette Middler “give a girl the right pair of shoes and she can conquer the world”.  So when Monday rolls around I will be trading in my pumps for my trusty gold flats. But no matter, I’ll still be strutting around Rittenhouse Square even if I am lacking a few inches.


Love these babies!


I Am…Lindsey Crowe

To be continued…

Shoes are amazing. They can give you that extra boost you need for the day and I have a severe obsession with them. =)